I don\u2019t know what petrochemicals they\u2019re taking in Grangemouth, but it\u2019s certainly working! \ud83d\ude02\u00a0<\/p>\n\n\n\n
What an absolute riot of an audience last night. \ud83d\udc4f <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Davy the HGV driver was saved by the bell when I suddenly noticed there were four seats free in the front row that I should probably fill up with people from the back! So I promptly had to get off the stage (probably the highest stage I\u2019ve ever performed on \ud83d\ude2e I didn\u2019t know whether to climb down or ski off it! \ud83d\ude02) and went down in amongst the audience and found two homosexuals at the back and a lovely smiley straight couple who I persuaded to join me in the front row. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
The couple that I thought were the gays of Grangemouth (GAGS \ud83d\ude02) turned out to be Ian from \u2018Larbeeeert\u2019 (his posh pronunciation) and surprisingly his French partner \u2018Philippe\u2019, both with equally impressive moustaches. After chatting to French Philippe for ages, I asked him to hold my microphone for a second while I took my jacket off and he said something like \u2018aye awright\u2019 and we all suddenly realised he was completely putting it on! \ud83d\ude2e We ALL fell for it, especially me. A wiz ragin\u2019! \ud83d\ude02 I didn\u2019t suspect for a second that he was pretending! Ah well, as they say in France, \u201cwhit a total wido!\u201d \ud83d\ude02<\/p>\n\n\n\n
We also had the alphabetical home mover who moved from Essex to Falkirk then came to Grangemouth\u2026so watch out Haddington! When I asked more about him he said \u201cI swing your way\u201d which made me wonder, if I\u2019m the king of the swingers then he must be the queen! \ud83d\ude02 <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Then there was a brilliant moment with a wonderful woman called Wilma (who I was praying was named after the Flintstones \ud83d\ude4f) who used to be a librarian, and told me, in a lovely cheeky manner, she didn\u2019t mind me telling a saucy story! \ud83d\ude09 I just had this image of her sexily asking in the library, if you \u2018wanted your pages flicked for you?\u2019 \ud83d\ude02 <\/p>\n\n\n\n
We had a woman in a sleeveless top who was keen to point out she wasn\u2019t a full \u2018Portonian\u2019 (someone born and bred in Grangemouth) a guy from Dunfermline hiding up the back, \u2018Elginites\u2019 fae Elgin down exploring the big smoke, a trio from Stirling who excitedly threw their hands in the air when it was mentioned and finally, a fun woman in the front called Nicky who came from Bo\u2019ness, which seems to be in competition with Grangemouth according to the audience reaction – it was like a mass revolt! \ud83d\ude02 <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Of course I just had to get Davy the HGV driver up, to shake his \u2018heavy goods\u2019 on the stage with me for a dance off, and he totally delivered! \ud83d\udc4f <\/p>\n\n\n\n
All these shenanigans are getting me far too excited about the Edinburgh Fringe in August! Tix on sale, noo \ud83e\udd73 <\/p>\n\n\n\n
<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
I don\u2019t know what petrochemicals they\u2019re taking in Grangemouth, but it\u2019s certainly working! \ud83d\ude02\u00a0 What an absolute riot of an audience last night. \ud83d\udc4f Davy the HGV driver was saved […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-542","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-uncategorized"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/mrcraighill.live\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/542","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/mrcraighill.live\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/mrcraighill.live\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/mrcraighill.live\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/mrcraighill.live\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=542"}],"version-history":[{"count":3,"href":"https:\/\/mrcraighill.live\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/542\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":546,"href":"https:\/\/mrcraighill.live\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/542\/revisions\/546"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/mrcraighill.live\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=542"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/mrcraighill.live\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=542"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/mrcraighill.live\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=542"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}