I don’t know what petrochemicals they’re taking in Grangemouth, but it’s certainly working! 😂
What an absolute riot of an audience last night. 👏
Davy the HGV driver was saved by the bell when I suddenly noticed there were four seats free in the front row that I should probably fill up with people from the back! So I promptly had to get off the stage (probably the highest stage I’ve ever performed on 😮 I didn’t know whether to climb down or ski off it! 😂) and went down in amongst the audience and found two homosexuals at the back and a lovely smiley straight couple who I persuaded to join me in the front row.
The couple that I thought were the gays of Grangemouth (GAGS 😂) turned out to be Ian from ‘Larbeeeert’ (his posh pronunciation) and surprisingly his French partner ‘Philippe’, both with equally impressive moustaches. After chatting to French Philippe for ages, I asked him to hold my microphone for a second while I took my jacket off and he said something like ‘aye awright’ and we all suddenly realised he was completely putting it on! 😮 We ALL fell for it, especially me. A wiz ragin’! 😂 I didn’t suspect for a second that he was pretending! Ah well, as they say in France, “whit a total wido!” 😂
We also had the alphabetical home mover who moved from Essex to Falkirk then came to Grangemouth…so watch out Haddington! When I asked more about him he said “I swing your way” which made me wonder, if I’m the king of the swingers then he must be the queen! 😂
Then there was a brilliant moment with a wonderful woman called Wilma (who I was praying was named after the Flintstones 🙏) who used to be a librarian, and told me, in a lovely cheeky manner, she didn’t mind me telling a saucy story! 😉 I just had this image of her sexily asking in the library, if you ‘wanted your pages flicked for you?’ 😂
We had a woman in a sleeveless top who was keen to point out she wasn’t a full ‘Portonian’ (someone born and bred in Grangemouth) a guy from Dunfermline hiding up the back, ‘Elginites’ fae Elgin down exploring the big smoke, a trio from Stirling who excitedly threw their hands in the air when it was mentioned and finally, a fun woman in the front called Nicky who came from Bo’ness, which seems to be in competition with Grangemouth according to the audience reaction – it was like a mass revolt! 😂
Of course I just had to get Davy the HGV driver up, to shake his ‘heavy goods’ on the stage with me for a dance off, and he totally delivered! 👏
All these shenanigans are getting me far too excited about the Edinburgh Fringe in August! Tix on sale, noo 🥳
